I’m unemployed. I’m 26 I live at my parents house. At least I have a college degree but only got ok grades. I haven’t had a job in 8 months and only have an unpaid part time internship with no likelihood of moving up in that work. My health isn’t too good and I have been drinking a lot of alcohol and eating fast food. My parents are negative. My friends from college have moved on. I have no friends in my city. Comedies used to work, but I can no longer laugh. I don’t want to become a religious holier than thou nut. I am always anxious and hate being fed pills by a disinterested and apathetic psychiatrist. Reading books used to work…but I’ve lost most motivation for life. Escapism like PC games also used to work. I hate feeling like an adult child all the time. I have a poster of the Declaration of Independence I want to display in my apartment when I move out. I at least am lucky enough to have a car and charity for temporary medical insurance, car insurance, phone, etc until I can move out. But I am still depressed living at home and being stuck in the “not enough experience” and “why have you been unemployed for so long?” traps. It, my situation, really seems hopeless. I have suicidal thoughts and have thought through plans for suicide. My parents make me want to throw up, so does their furniture and homes. I obsess over the Count of Monte Cristo and Buffalo 66 (the film). I am afraid that my medication Valium 2 mg x 3 per day and abilify (after switching from different drugs like seroquel) has messed up my brain chemistry and has/is caused/causing permanent damage to my basic motor systems as well as the neurological system. The shortness if breath is a problem late in the evening and at night. Insomnia sucks. Inability to concentrate on things around me sucks. (I’ve tried to get ADHD medicine but the doc is convinced I have Asperger’s syndrome). I want a new doc. I am frequently dizzy and have to really concentrate in order to not spill things or fall over while walking up or down stairs. I have this feeling that no one told me a core secret to life which would be akin to one keeping the individual at the core of one’s thoughts 100% of the time. I believe I only went mad when I kept trying to understand other people. I feel like no one knows what this is like. I constantly feel like I am suffocating and it is all because I tried to drop my ego. I feel like when I talk no one listens and that makes me feel my opinion doesn’t count, making me more suicidal. In my head I get this belief that if no one listens to me, then what is the point of being alive? They don’t listen because they are so distracted. I feel that no one is really focused and they’re all out in space, believing whatever fantasy dreams they have in their heads. They repeat these boring patterns which can be found in literature and books on human history. I believe in reality and facing the facts, yet I have been placed in the mental health system by my mother whom is insane and has admitted to not being from planet earth in all seriousness. My father who was sane, elicits money from the oil industry for a living and believes that issues of the environment are of “no real concern” and that continued refinement of crude oil “is both necessary and acceptable” despite facts from the IPCC, scientists in environmental fields, and famed, wealthy entrepreneurial investors that act otherwise. I believe I am sane, but if a gun was put against my head, I will say I am mentally ill in order to spare my life. Is that a crazy thing to do? I would sacrifice my life in order to change the global energy management system from an unsustainable one to one that values long term stability, albeit short term dire circumstances which may be wholly necessary. (Methodology is arguable). I just don’t like feeling powerless, but don’t want to end up as a hippy protestor who thinks tweeting, liking, of recycling one bottle actually achieves something. I want to change laws, the system, stand up for a moral cause like Abraham Lincoln did and see a unified vision come true. I used to be fun, but now I don’t feel confident enough to “just go order a burger at a restaurant like its nothing.” I have to work myself up psychologically to do it, and even then the cashier and their attitude scares me. I am scared of a lot of things. I’m not good at handling introverts or intense “in your face” people and had major anxiety induced because of the Socratic method of law school, which was so intense I had to drop out. I have tried “Jesus” but that doesn’t work. All I want to do is scream my head off in my car in an empty field somewhere.
This question was not answered by a nutritionist, however another user commented.
“Where hope grows, miracles blossom.” -Elna Rae Hey, its going to be ok. I know it does not seem like it, but it will be. My first advice to you is to find a job, no matter how little it pays, as long as it does pay. If you have to, start small. No dignity will be lost. If you end up somewhere, being for example, a clerk. Well, who cares? You will meet new people, and you will earn a salary.Nobody else matters if you are taking care of yourself. Keep submitting your resume. Once you are working, wherever that may be, you will no longer get the question, “why are you unemployed?” If you need to, work two part time jobs, or as a legal secretary. When you have enough money, move out, and escape the negativity of your parents. Take care of yourself. You will have more respect for yourself without the bad food and alcohol. Also, your complexion improves with the giving up of the alcohol. Do yoga or something. Lift weights, exercise in some way. It really does relieve stress, especially if it is strenuous. I have spent my whole life trying to understand people, but I have only come across a few things. These I will share. There are good people. They are good in the sense that they do not want to intentionally hurt someone. There also bad people. These people will use other people. After they use them, they will leave that person feeling like they are not good enough for anything. That, is what makes a person bad. They will let another person believe that they are not their equal. This is not true.They are much less significant then they would have anyone believe. They will never, have never, made a positive change to the world. Don’t let these people get to you. It hurts like. . . Killing yourself will not help anything. There is so much to live for. You have not found it yet. But for now, live on the hope that will be your reality. We all live for the beauty of our own reality. It is not your fault that people scare you. They scare me too. But what can they do to you? What can they take that you have? They are probably screwed up in some way. What you feel matters, and if you apply yourself, you can find someone, other than me, who cares about your opinions. Music helps. Some express your feelings so perfectly, it feels like you are not lone, and some of the pain just leeches right out. My personal favorites; Evanescence, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Paramore, Flyleaf, the Beatles, Queen, and My Chemical Romance The best of luck to you. My heart goes with yours.